Learning How to Love Yourself by Creating a Gratitude Practice

This subject is very near and dear to me, and I post often about it, because I have a hyper aroused nervous system, which is a hallmark of ADHD. Learning to love yourself is directly linked to the skills we need to be happier.

I’m bothered by the message I see frequently on social media declaring that happiness is "a moment-to-moment choice.” I do agree that happiness is a choice, but that choice can be harder to make when you're neurodivergent. I think even neurotypical people struggle to make that choice in the midst of chaos or overwhelm.

In my view, happiness is actually a SKILL. This is excellent news because skills can be learned. And when we have learned the tools and practiced making the choice on a regular basis, then, YES, happiness and self satisfaction, self appreciation are choices we can more easily make.

Even though the 🧠 is built to look for danger first, we have the ability to train our brains to also look for the good—the good around us and the good in ourselves. Every time we look for the good, it changes our brain chemistry and our automatic thought patterns.

Creating a gratitude practice means taking the time to look for the good. In as few as 15 minutes each day, you can build new neural pathways and new habits—new skills—for your brain. This also changes the 🧠 chemistry because seeking things to focus on that you're grateful and acknowledging the good things you’re doing for yourself shut off the survival brain and turn on the learning brain.

Here's an overview of the process:

When we focus on what we're grateful for, we engage the prefrontal cortex (PFC) which is the "learning" part of our 🧠. When the PFC is engaged, the "survival" part of the 🧠 is NOT engaged—it's essentially "off" providing our bodies with a break from the adrenaline and cortisol produced during ruminations, and negative thoughts and emotions, and flooding the brain with feel-good hormones like dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, and oxytocin.

When you regularly engage in a gratitude practice, you build new neural pathways in the PFC. The PFC is where the executive functions operate from (short-term memory, attention, planning, etc.), and any amount of time spent building new neural pathways in the PFC benefits the ADHD 🧠 and hyper aroused nervous system SIGNIFICANTLY. This literally increases your gray matter which positively impacts your cognitive functions and sense of wellbeing.

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“Fixing” ADHD vs. Self-acceptance