What is Your Happiness Default?

Image is of trees and meadow in the fall season with a sunburst low in the sky. Overlaying the image is a semi-transparent box with a gratitude quote by Mary Davis: “Through the eyes of gratitude, everything is a miracle.”

SUNDAY GRATITUDE

Researchers are discovering that people have a default level of happiness, and no matter what happens in their lives, they tend to fall back to that same level of happiness whether they win the lottery or suffer an accident that leaves them without the use of their legs.

Both groups of people were studied extensively over several years, and researchers discovered that winning the lottery didn’t make the winners any happier, and paraplegics weren’t any less happy than they were before their accident. How can this be?

Our brains are fascinating organs. They think constantly, and not a moment goes by that we don’t have a thought. But our brains tend to focus on the negative. When we allow our brains to run our thoughts uninhibited on the negative or harmful subjects they habitually default to, and without us paying much attention, this is where we run into trouble, because these thoughts are outright inaccurate. They’re lies our brain tells us to protect us:

"I'm late AGAIN! Why can't I be on time EVER? I'm so stupid!"

"Why can't I get my s#!t together like everyone else? I'm such a loser."

"I think that person just gave me the side eye! They can see what a neurodivergent weirdo I am; I just don't fit in anywhere."

These kinds of narratives have gone on for so long—for a lifetime, in most cases—that we hardly notice them, but they have detrimental effects on our peace and happiness. The stress hormones produced by these stealthy thoughts have a direct impact on our cognitive functions and our health.

It's important to point out that people with ADHD and other neurodivergencies have nervous systems that are hyper aroused, so we feel and experience negative emotions, thoughts, and feelings in a bigger way than our neurotypical counterparts. Because of this, it is imperative to our overall wellbeing to learn the tools that interrupt these habits of thought.

So how do you become more aware of these habits of thought and their impact? Neuroscience for the win!

First, know that we all have these horrible, negative, untrue thoughts. My first coach taught me to recognize my negative habits of thought by encouraging me to pay attention to how I felt. Any negative thought, emotion, or feeling you experience means that your survival brain is engaged. So, yes, your negative thoughts are a fight or flight response.

The second step is understanding that they are lies, narratives your brain made up a long time ago to protect you, but now they’re hurting you.

Step three, is learning how to shut down the electrical impulses from your primal/survival brain. Focusing on or contemplating things you are or can be grateful for brings your thought processes out of your survival brain and into your prefrontal cortex (PFC) where all your creativity, wisdom, and problem-solving skills reside.

When we spend at least 15 minutes each day in gratitude or mindfulness, we build new neural pathways to the PFC and weaken old and well-established neural pathways to the survival brain. Over time, the negative narratives we’re used to hearing show up less often, are quieter, and are shorter in duration.

Happiness is Learned

Happiness is a skill, and skills can be learned! Learning these skills increases our default level of happiness.

What went well this past week? What or who are you grateful for today?

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