What is Your Happiness Default?
Image is of trees and meadow in the fall season with a sunburst low in the sky. Overlaying the image is a semi-transparent box with a gratitude quote by Mary Davis: “Through the eyes of gratitude, everything is a miracle.”
SUNDAY GRATITUDE
Scientists are discovering that people have a default level of happiness, and no matter what happens in their lives, they tend to fall back to that same level of happiness whether they win the lottery or suffer an accident that leaves them without the use of their legs.
Both groups of people in these two scenarios were studied extensively over several years, and researchers discovered that winning the lottery didn’t make the winners any happier, and paraplegics weren’t any less happy than they were before their accident. How can this be?
Our brains are fascinating organs. For a lot of neurodivergent people, not a moment goes by that we don’t have a thought. But our brains tend to focus on the negative, and this is part of our survival mechanisms. But, when we allow our brains to run our thoughts uninhibited on negative or harmful subjects, these thoughts lower our default level of happiness, which runs us into trouble because these thoughts are outright inaccurate. They’re lies our brain tells us in an attempt to protect us and ensure our survival.
"I'm late AGAIN! Why can't I be on time EVER? I'm so STUPID!"
"Why can't I get my s#!t together like everyone else? I'm such a loser."
"I think that person just gave me side eye! They can see what a neurodivergent weirdo I am; I just don't fit in anywhere."
These kinds of narratives have gone on for so long—for a lifetime, in most cases—that we hardly notice them, but they have detrimental effects on our peace and happiness. The stress hormones produced by these stealthy thoughts have a direct impact on our cognitive functions making neurodivergent challenges worse, and creating disease in our bodies.
It's important to point out that people with ADHD and other neurodivergencies have nervous systems that are hyper aroused, so we feel and experience negative emotions, thoughts, and feelings in a bigger way than our neurotypical counterparts. Because of this, it is imperative to learn the tools that interrupt these habits of thought.
So how do you accomplish this? Neuroscience for the win!
Give yourself lots of grace and know that we all have horrible, negative, untrue thoughts.
Build self-awareness by developing the habit of recognizing your negative thoughts and paying attention to how you feel. Any negative thought, emotion, or feeling you experience is an indication that your survival brain is engaged. This is part of the fight or flight response.
Understand that these negative thoughts are lies, narratives your brain made up a long time ago to protect you, but now they’re hurting you.
Learn to shut down these electrical impulses from your survival brain through mindfulness. One of the quickest ways to do this is to focus on things you are or can be grateful for, e.g., “My coffee is just the way I like it this morning!”, “I can see patches of blue sky, and it’s beautiful.”, “The breeze is grazing my cheeks, and it’s a delicious feeling!” This brings your thought processes out of your survival brain (past events of potential future events) and into your prefrontal cortex (PFC) and the present moment where all of your innate creativity, wisdom, and creative problem-solving skills reside.
When we spend at least 15 minutes each day in gratitude or mindfulness, we build new neural pathways to the PFC, and weaken old and well-established neural pathways to the survival portions of the brain. Over time, the negative narratives we’re used to hearing show up less often, are quieter, and shorter in duration.
In a nutshell, happiness is a skill, and skills can be learned. Learning these skills increases our default level of happiness.
So, what went well this past week? What or who are you grateful for today?
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